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        auxilary25  40, Female, California, USA - 32 entries
    20
    Aug 2010
    5:18 PM EDT
       

    Just Friends??? Seriously...Does that exist??


    So we've been talking for 3 weeks now...we hang out once a weekend so that he can spend time with the baby and we text all day everyday. We've chosen to be "just friends" because we aren't sure whether we can get along. We know we LOVE each other but getting along is a different story. After we split our families were torn apart and now he doesn't want to talk to my family and vice versa.


    He says he wants to see what happens and take things slow..Fine...but then he's texting me "I Love u," "I miss you" and gets mad if I don't say it back...he says I'm dramatic that just because we aren't a couple doesnt mean we can't say those things if that's how we feel. We wants to hold my hands sometimes when we go out and he'll give me a pop kiss...we made out one time but I had to stop it because I thought we were just trying to be coparents??? We weren't supposed to be more than friends?? Now he's kissing me??

    He gets jealous when I get online...he still has my pics up on his myspace account. It's a very confusing process for me..I've tried hard to separate myself because I can't just be his friend while talking to him constanty. I wanted to marry this guy for crying out loud! With time I'm sure I'll adjust...he tells me "don't u see how sweet I am to u and how much I love you?"....He hates the idea of me talking to other guys or dating and has made it clear he has no intention of doing so now. If it happens along the way then it happens...

    I don't get it...how can we be friends but say these things to each other??? He walks me to my car after work and calls me several times to check up on me...text me gnite & gmorning..skype @ night....it's hard because I feel that we are starting a relationship yet we aren't?? When we hang out it's for like 10 hours...I get home @ 2 am...He's made it clear we can't have sex @ all because he doesn't want to get more emotionally attached to me...


    Can we seriously just be friends??? What is this? It's so hard because I was dying before without hm...I was full of hate. Now I'm happy when he calls I love how he's treating me yet I'm petrified because I know what he's like...I know how he acts when he loses his temper and I wish he'd go back to therapy...I'm hoping that if we keep being friends I can slowly convince him....He keeps looking @ himself in the mirror everywhere we go so I know that he hasn't changed. I see it...I know deep down he's the same guy who cared only of himself. He's bought only 1 pack of pampers in 3 weeks...2 dreses...4 pairs of sock...1 pair of sandals....big improvement so thank u God. I just can't wait till he starts contributing to half her expenses...half her food..milk..diapers...wipes...the basic at least. I've seen him with new clothes and shoes and that bothers me cuz it's like damn u tell everyone how much u love ur daughter yet u don't bust ur ass to provide for her. u have over 40 shirts for work..y buy yet ANOTHER ONE when ur daughter keeps growing and needs clothes that fits???

    I'm trying to let this go but it stays in the back of my mind like a wall....I won't open the door to any relationship with him until he gets help, provides for our daughter...and truly starts supporting himself. I want him to get a career go back to school or something so he can earn more $$ I'm going to graduate soon and I don't want to be with a man that'll live off of me because he doesn't try hard enough...it's fine if I make more than him but he's got a good income to support our home too..I don't want to support his luxuries..I wil give our daughter and my mom my $$ he can spend his own...

    W/e We'll see what happens...I just hope he's not using me to soften up the custody battle..
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    2 comment(s) - 11:34 PM - 08/24/2010
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        morninglaurie  71, Female, Indiana, USA - 9 entries
    19
    Aug 2010
    7:05 AM EDT
       

    Living in Poway

    August 19, 2010 It`s been exactly one month since I have written. I am in San Diego (Poway). I haven’t gotten hired by The Poway Unified District….yet. I am going over there today to finish turning in my paper work, it really matters what Bill Chiment says and I am praying that he will remember me and hire me back. Bob left this morning and I have lots of emotions I am feeling at the same time….scared, excited to try it on my own, relieved that I am going to Living Way, abandoned because this house is sooooo important him, guilty and remorseful because I left his dream. Still what is done is done and I think I should try and do my best. Yesterday my Mom started pulling this routine of how a man feels when he builds his bride her dream home and it’s every man’s ideal to do that…..grrr. This is where my guilty comes in to play. But I would have died there….I already had my cherry pit plan in motion to end my life. If my life has no value, only Bob’s then what the heck am I hanging around for? So Clara says I will learn a lot about myself living alone (well Andy is here). The first thing I have learned is that I was taught to always think of the other person first, but it was never balanced with any kind of self-preservation or balance. So it was alright to be abused, cheated on or taken advantage of because you don’t want to hurt the other persons feeling……aha moment! How do I adapt this information….I don’t know! I start to today with Weight Watchers point count. I need to stay under 21 points.
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        alabrat  57, Female, Tennessee, USA - 6 entries
    18
    Aug 2010
    2:50 AM CST
       

    It isn't over, just different


    What can I say?� You were my knight in shining armor.� My rescuer.� You found me just a shell of a person.� Someone who experienced no love, just routine.� No appreciation, just routine.� No excitement or happiness, just routine.� And you changed it all.� My heart raced just to hear from you each morning.� Sweet little notes scattered in cyberspace, unexpected nothings.... were somethings.� You held all that I had hoped love could be, but had become resolved that it just wasn't.� You changed my world and rocked my foundation.� You helped me find me again.� I had lost myself in all those other labels we and society give us; wife, mom, executive director, manager, etc.� I was me again.�� It felt wonderful.� I'd found love.�

    But somewhere along the way, somethings became less important.� Conversation. I love you.� Time spent together.� Conversations about nothing... us.� And we too have fallen into the "routine".� There is no importance in the things that we used to spend hours with.� The nothingness that was just you and me, in our love.� That sweet "nothing", "nothing" but us.� The world is with us now and we are less important.� We move through the motions and do what the other expects... most of the time.� We find ourselves standing on the edge and not worrying if it matters to the other.� And sometimes we cross the line.� But without guilt, because, those little things just don't matter anymore.� So what if we miss that time together..... there is tomorrow.� So what if I don't get to call.� Nothing would have been said in that conversation anyway.� It's about work, and stupid drivers and the heat of the summer.� It isn't about my love.� It isn't important.� And so, the conversations aren't either.� We were only love... and that made us grand.� Something neither of us knew.� We had only known the motions.�

    And here we are..... in the motions.
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    1 comment(s) - 08:40 PM - 08/20/2010
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        MeaganLee  34, Female, Wisconsin, USA - First entry!
    16
    Aug 2010
    6:33 PM EDT
       

    Why I Write

    I write because I would go insane if I didn't. I write because it's an addiction, a habit. I write because the dream to publish will never happen unless I write! I write because creating characters—people—in my head is exciting; Crazy serial killer? Spunky college student? What's next? I write because it's a release of emotions. I write because anyone can put together a sentence, but I want to be the one who can change the world with my writing. I write because I'm the ruler of my writing; it's the one thing that NO one can change. I write because I'm a rather…opinionated woman. I write because it's fun.
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        loveless101  29, Female, California, USA - 16 entries
    15
    Aug 2010
    9:04 PM EDT
       

    i dont like mei family

    i dont like mei family.. well... most bc they are annoying and trublesome.. i mean 1 of them almost ripped out mei bellybutton bc he thought it wuz a real button.. u know the 1s that are on sweaters!!!! it was baaaaaddd!!!!!!
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        loveless101  29, Female, California, USA - 16 entries
    15
    Aug 2010
    9:12 PM EDT
       

    dear diary, sometimes i dont know what love or even happiness means anymore. i mean.. why do we need happines and love in our lifes???? why ???? can sum1 plllz tell mei. bc i thought i knew why but... i gust dont know anymore!
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        keonyama96  31, Female, Kansas, USA - 191 entries
    15
    Aug 2010
    6:33 PM EDT
       

    1st day pf school tomorrow
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        kate  57, Female, United Kingdom - 11 entries
    14
    Aug 2010
    8:48 PM GMT
       

    Waxed my chest and arms. Friendly chat with Claire House of House Creations. Suggested I carry on waxing for the moment - no electrolysis yet. Appointment in 6 weeks for another waxing.
    Tags: wax
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        kate  57, Female, United Kingdom - 11 entries
    14
    Aug 2010
    7:17 AM GMT
       

    Visiting sister today. First got to work in house, then borrow ladders, then get to the allotment, then to House Creations and Claire, then to sister's. Busy day. Depending on how much I'm glowing after the house, ladders and allotment work, I might need to shower and change before heading off to Commonside.
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        kate  57, Female, United Kingdom - 11 entries
    14
    Aug 2010
    7:11 AM GMT
       

    Wondering whether to get my arms waxed too.
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